Sometimes, we say “No,” because we’ve been conditioned to have that as our first response. “No,” because it’s too hard. “No,” because I’m busy. “No,” because I said no last time. This journey has forced me to look at what I’m saying no to, and really ask myself why? Why not?

Take bubble bath for example. Jessie loves bubble bath. Like, a LOT. To the point where there’s never enough bubbles until the whooooooole bottle is gone. She has so much fun, pouring in the soap, discovering that it works better under running water, building up the bubbles on her head like a hat, chin like a beard, my entire face like…..well, that’s just because it’s funny apparently.

Unschooling girl covered in bubbles

Why do I “let” her use the whole bottle in one go? Isn’t that a waste?

A waste? Of what? She’s going to use it all anyway, eventually. What does it matter that it goes in one bath or ten?

The cost?

Bubble bath costs $3.20. I’ll grab a bottle when we’re at the shops, maybe a couple a week, maybe more, depending on how often we pop to the shops. I spend more than that on coffee…much more than that on a bottle of wine…so really, when this first started to happen, I had to ask myself, is it more important for me to save a few dollars, or to just let her have the fun and use her bubbles the way she wanted to.

Sometimes, bubbles get alllllll over the floor. That’s ok, I throw a towel over the top, they get cleaned up pretty easily…and I rarely need to mop the bathroom floor, so really she’s saving me time, right?

Obviously there’s times when “No,” is the only response you can give, “No,” you can’t run across the highway, “No,” you can’t ride the dog, “No,” you can’t drink the cleaning fluid…unless it’s homemade with vinegar, then they can fill their boots.

But next time you hear yourself about to give “No,” as an answer, try and pause to ask yourself “Why not?”, is the “No,” because it’s a real safety issue? Is the “No,” because you really don’t have the money? Is the “No,” because you have an important appointment?

If not, can you instead figure out a way to lead with “Yes,”? Saying “Yes,” fills them with the knowledge that they have some control, that they can make things happen, that they have a say in their own lives. This is so important, in this world of rules and constraints, to have them grow knowing that they can have an affect their situations…be it as small as bubbles when they’re 4, or  taking the leap to move to the other side of the country when they’re 18.

"Children learn to make good decisions by making decisions, not by following directios." Alfie Kohn

Yep, there’ll be plenty of “No,”s in their lifetime, I’ve learnt not to add the unnecessary ones…

xx